True Blood Recap: Turn, turn, turn!

Oh geez, the palpitations begin, and everything that happened last season is reviewed.

The witches were bad, Eric lost his memory, Sookie was gone for a long time, Alcide’s Ex came back, Jason slept with Jessica, Russell was released from his concrete pit, Marnie killed, Eric and bill nearly died, the Authority issued a death warrant, Nan died, Sookie walked away from both Eric and Bill, Reverend Steve Newlin was a vampire, Debbie went crazy so Sookie put her down, and Tara was shot in the head.

Eric speed cleans Bill’s office, wow I could really use his services, he takes care of Nan's mess in no time while Bill makes a quick call to Jessica. Bill and Eric hear that Sookie is in danger though their connection, but Sookie did just dump them, and well Eric is reluctant to help her. When a gun shot is heard, Bill runs out to help. Eric goes to follow and a silver net is thrown over him. 

Lafayette comes down and sees the mess of Tara brains painting the walls. Pam comes looking for Eric, with apologies. She's still trying to make amends for going against his wishes last season. Lafayette and Sookie beg Pam to change Tara into a vampire. Eric and Bill are caught by the Authority, and Pam gets a great bargain to become a maker. Sookie will use her magic hand or power snatch to help Pam, plus owe her one.

Steve Newlin turns to Jason for help. He’s all alone, and he has no one, and though he tries to weasel his way in, Jason doesn’t want to listen. Newlin claims to not know anything, and as Jason begins to believe, Newlin gives him a whammy and glamours his way in.

Sam is dealing with four rabid wolves, Rikki shifts and tells him that they’re looking for Marcus, and they suspect he killed him. Sam shifts away in the form of an owl before there’s more trouble.

Lafayette and Sookie bury Pam in the ground with Tara. And oh, here’s hoping that everything turns out well. Pam isn't all too hopeful seeing as half of Tara's head is missing, but well, a deal's a deal.

Sam finds Luna, and tells her that the pack may be coming here next. Sam isn’t willing to sell out Alcide after all that he did for him and Tommy. Rikki quickly catches up, and Sam confesses to a crime he didn’t commit.

Steve Newlin has Jason tied up, and glamours him into believing he asked to be tied up. Newlin releases him from the glamour, and thanks him for his hospitality. He then confesses that he wasn’t so much angry that Jason slept with Sarah, but rather that she got to sleep with him. Newlin apologizes for his murdering rages, and confesses that he’s a gay vampire American. He takes the tape from Jason’s mouth, and although Jason’s flattered, he forgives him, but doesn’t reciprocate his feelings. Newlin doesn’t take the news well. All he wants is for Jason to love him. Before Newlin can stake his claim or mind rape him, Jessica comes a calling, and marks her territory, and Jason recinds his welcome to Newlin.

Bill and Eric’s little bromantic road trip progresses, as they work together to get a umbrella, and sabotage their ride. The little car goes boom, and though Bill is hurt, Eric doesn’t leave him. How sweet. The driver tries to stop them, and is quickly staked. Seems that one of their captors is familiar, by Eric’s sweet welcoming kiss. It’s his sister Nora.

Sookie cleans up Tara’s brains, and Debbie’s too. Lafayette thinks he understands why she killed Debbie, but he couldn't be more wrong. It wasn’t self defense. She hated Debbie, she'd been a thorn in Sookie's side for a long time, and as Debbie begged for her life Sookie could have turned her over to the authorities, but she wanted to kill her, and she did.

Nora confesses that no one knows about her and Eric’s relationship, Godric is gone and for both of their sakes its better that no one knows. She says that while grateful for the work against the necromancers, the Authority is splintered and no thanks will be paid. Nora had planned to have their car sabotaged the entire time, but the boys' little stunt happened first and it worked as well. Nora places a call to cover her tracks, checking in, and tells the boys to prepare for a new life or the true death.

Sookie takes Lafayette home, the last place he wanted to go since, he left Jesus’ body in his living room. The body is gone, and there is no explanation why. Lafayette tries to reach Jesus’ spirit, but he’s lost without him and Jesus doesn't answer.

Holly’s children come home to find a naked Andy in bed with their mother. She’s a little surprised to see them. Andy confesses that he cares for Holly, and everyone agrees that he should leave. The boys give their momma quite the tongue lashing for doing the dirty with the Sherrif on the couch.

Patrick tells the kids about Terry’s wartime heroics. Arlene wants to hear more, but Terry doesn’t want to talk about it. The kids love their new home, and are happy about the house even if there old one caught on fire. Patrick turn a little strange at the mention of the house fire.

Sookie’s thoughts turn to the past as she takes a shower. She thinks back to a time when Tara stood up for her when they were kids, when no one else would play with her. She looks longingly at the grave. Lafayette ponders his hands as Sookie tells him the shower is open. He takes a bath, but it doesn’t seem to help his broken heart and bruised soul. A pink bic catches his eye, please Lafayette it’s a bad idea!

Alcide comes a calling, and Sookie offers to pour some lemonade. She spies one of Debbie’s molars, in front of the fridge and her paranoia goes through the roof as she makes idle chitchat with Alcide. Alcide doesn’t seem to suspect anything, but he tells her that Russell is loose. She thought Russell was dead, and Alcide is less than pleased to find that Bill and Eric kept something from her.

Jason and Andy have lunch at Merlotte's and both wish there was somewhere else to eat, the company is a little uncomfortable with Holly and Hoyt present. A judge comes to talk with Andy about his son’s speeding problem. Andy seeing only one good answer tells the Judge what he wants to hear. Jason tries to talk to Hoyt, but Hoyt is encouraged by his group of friends and finds a backbone to tell Jason what he thinks of his sleeping with Jessica.

Sookie wants to know why they didn’t kill Russell, and Alcide wants her to stay with him anyways. Sookie is hesitant, and right when she’s about to confess why she's all twitchy, Lafayette comes and interrupts. He’s done with everything supernatural, and pushes Alcide to the point of growling, you know that sexy deep growl. Alcide begs her to come with him, and even though she refuses he leaves the option open. Lafayette scolds her with his mind, and although she apologizes, he ignores it and turns thoughts to Tara. And they ready for nightfall.

Rikki and her group beat Sam for information, but no matter how much they beat him, he doesn’t tell them where he put Marcus. Martha sends the others away so she can talk to Sam alone. Martha tells him that they need Marcus’ body, and if he gives them that no harm will come to Luna and Emma, the same cannot be said for Sam himself.

Eric gets reacquainted with Nora, in a dirty sexy way that only Eric Northman can deliver, as Bill waits outside.  Nora is disgusted when Eric’s phone interrupts them. I'm not sure if she's more angry because he's pulled away from her, or because she;s concerned that his phone can be traced. "We fight like siblings, we fuck like champions" Eric says, and his mood quickly diminishes when Alcide delivers his news.

A body is drug to a room for feeding, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that they're feeding Russell, since we last saw him, he was a bit crispy before he was shoved into the cement hole for a year or so.

Jessica is having fun while her daddy is away. She’s having quite the party with a group of college kids, playing quarters and flirting with a cute boy when Jason comes to crash the party. Jessica only said what she did to Newlin to protect Jason, but didn’t mean any of it. Jason joins the party, and makes himself at home.

Terry struggles with something outside. Patrick comes to talk to Terry. He tells him to go home, but Patrick tells him that his house was lost in a fire, as well as a few others he fought next to in Iraq. Terry tells him that it was a nice but crazy ghost that caused the fire, but that she is gone now. Patrick finally admits that he came to town because he thought Terry was the one starting the fires. He asks about someone else, but Terry has no clue where to find him

Jessica’s little party heats up with a little bit of rock band and Cherry Bomb, and Jason is forced to compete for Jessica’s affections. When one of the sorority girls throws herself at Jason, Jason catches, and Jessica isn’t so happy about that. But Jason turns the girl down in the car.  Through Kimmy is a cutie, Jason is hung up on Jessica. He plays the nice guy, and Kimmy respects that.

Sookie and Lafayette wait hoping for the best.

The wolves dig up Marcus. Martha thanks Sam as they recover the body, and before Rikki can replace the body with Sam’s, Luna and Alcide come to the rescue. Sam is a little pissed at Luna, but what's done is done. Alcide admits that he killed Marcus, and that he deserved it. Martha begins to eat her son. I'm hoping its to absorb his Munin, as a way to preserve his memories and knowledge, and not a sick result of some bath salt consumption. 

Nora and her crew give Eric and Bill new identities, Eric is less than happy with his new name, Ike Applebaum, but apparently new vampire identities are hard to come by and just as they say goodbye, everyone but the trio are killed by a super vampire g man hit squad. Getting away isn’t going to be so easy, and I don't think Eric is gonna be able to sleep his way out of this.

Lafaytte and Sookie continue to wait, Lafayette goes to get snacks since there's no telling if or when Tara will rise. Finally there’s something. Pam pulls herself from the grave, but she’s unsure if it worked, and isn’t exactly helpful as she drink her Tru Blood. Sookie digs Tara up with her bare hands, it’s not a good sign that Tara doesn't pull herself out. Sookie cries over Tara’s body as Lafayette returns. Lafayette and Sookie are brokenhearted, but not for long. Tara leaps from the grave, and grabs a screaming Sookie.

Holy hell, True Blood came back with a bang, and what a way to start the season!