Game of Thrones Recap: Garden of Bones

Lannister men come under siege as they fart around, literally. Rob massacres the camp, killing 5 Lannisters and a whole lot of others. Rob chooses not to torture the prisoners that remain, against the advice of his council. Rob takes care and pity with all of the men, and gives one of the nurses, some bedroom eyes as she hacks off a man’s leg. He question’s the woman Alisa, but she has compassion for the people not the war. Rob tells her that he plans to overthrow the king, but he has no plan for after.

Joffery holds Sansa at arrow point. Sansa has no knowledge of her brother’s plans. For once he sides with reason, because his mother told him to, and does not kill her, but has his knight beat, and humiliate Sansa in public. Before he can do the girl further damage, Tyrion stops him. Tryion gives him a little education, and tells Bronn to kill the king’s guard if he interfers. Tryion helps Sansa to her feet and apologizes. He asks her if she wishes to end the engagement, and she tells him that she adores King Joffery, and Tryion believes she may survive the Lannisters yet.

The Dog waits for Joffery, making sure he sees the gift Tyrion left him. He’s left him some whores, hoping that it’ll quell some of Joffery’s urges, not knowing how sadistic the little prick is. But Joffery asks one whore to spank the other, and when the spanking isn’t hard enough, he forces her to be spanked harder, leaving the girl in tears. And yet that isn’t enough, he hands the girl a sword, wanting his uncle to see what he’s done with his girl. The girl howls in pain.

Renly receives his guest Baelish as a guest. Littlefinger is not well liked by Renly, and tells him that he can either come to King’s landing and find open gates or a prolonged siege. Baelish next finds Margaery, trying to procure knowledge about her marriage to Renly. He gets little from Margaery, as she’s very much onto his game.

One of her riders returns to Daenerys, it seems someone is willing to welcome the mother of dragons.

Arya, Gendry and company are led to a tower, awaiting torture. Arya recites names of the Lannisters and those who wronged her father.

Baelish sets eyes on Catelyn, but she’s less than welcoming. He tells her that he tried to help Ned, begged him to leave, and she draws her knife on her when he claims they should be together. When sweet talking doesn’t work, he brings up Sansa and Arya, making her believe he can save them, unknowing that Arya is far away and out of Lannister castle. Littlefinger tries to bargain with  Catelyn . He brings her a gift from Tyrion, the girls for Jaime. The gift is not a piece of her girls, it’s her husband’s remains, just as Rob had asked for. Baelish tells her that her husband was a good man, and should rest in the crypts of Winterfell, and he leaves her alone with what’s left of her husband.

The torturer comes to chose another victim. They ask where is the brotherhood, and when the man doesn’t know, they torture him by strapping a bucket to his chest with a rat in it. And when the man cannot answer his questions they heat the bucket, and the rat boreing begins.

Renly and Stannis meet for a little discussion. Renly pokes fun at Stannis and him suddenly finding religion. Melisandre tells him that he should worship Stannis.  Catelyn  tries to get the boys to set aside their animosity, but none will budge. Stannis does not have many followers having never wanted them, while Renly is loved by many. Stannis plans on fighting.

Daenerys comes to the Trader of Spices home in Carth. He takes an interest in her dragons, and she asks for food and shelter first. The Trader refuses to grant her access, and he walks away. She doesn’t appreciate his attitude, and issues a threat, that when her dragons are grown she will burn their city first. One of the Thirteen petitions to allow Daenerys and her people in, and when he is shut down, he invokes a sacred rite to allow her and her people into the beautiful city of Carth.

Another head is placed upon the pike, and it’s a new day. Today Gendry is chosen. Again they ask where the brotherhood is, as they prepare the rats. Tywin Lannister rides in upon a white horse. He’s upset over the tragic waste of able young bodies and laborers. He asks Gendry’s trade, and tells him blacksmith, a very useful trade, much more useful than wall decor. Tywin takes one look and instantly knows that Arya is a girl and takes her for his own.

Tyrion receives an order to have Pycell released. The hour is very late, and it raises his attention. And immediately finds that Cersei is sleeping with their cousin. She likes to keep it in the family obviously. The man begs for Tyrion’s forgiveness, but plans to use the man for information, and he readily agrees. Tyrion tells him that he will release Pycell in the morning, but he will no longer be a member of his council.

Davros meets with Stannis. Stannis plans to play dirty to win the war. Davros will sneak Melisandre in to kill his brother. Melisandre toys with Davros as he rows her to shore. They find that their passage is barred, and she removes her robe to show an extremely pregnant belly, and prepares to give birth. Some kind of black smoke demon crawls from her body, and this thing is no baby from the calves on it.